What began as any ordinary morning quickly escalated into the most ridiculous day of my life. I remember it as if it were two weeks ago, on what seemed to be a bright, sunny, warm day with a high near 82 and a low of about 63. Nearly every aspect of that (crazy) day is still drilled into my mind- every minute, every second- almost as if time had come to a standstill and never ceased to advanced.
It was the day that I mysteriously turned into a rock. For 24 hours.
Now you are probably wondering how I turned into a rock, what it felt like, what I was thinking, etcetera. Well you are sure in luck because I have conveniently written a blog post about all of these feelings below! Enjoy!
So… I turned into a rock. Doesn’t that sound thrilling? Probably not.
Here’s what happened. At about 8:32AM (again, I somehow remember everything to the second!) my stomach began to hurt very badly. I initially thought that I was coming down with a sickness of some sort. Well… I was sure wrong.
After a couple minutes passed by, I hopped onto the computer and, under the assumption that I had a virus of some sort, searched for what could be the cause of my symptoms. Some of the results that I ran upon included influenza, dehydration, and medicine overdose. After a quick analysis, I determined that these were likely not the causes of my stomach ache. So I kept looking.
It wasn’t until about 9:02AM that I ran upon an article regarding a direct correlation between stomach aches and ‘transformations into rocks’. At first I thought that I was reading some sort of fake post and decided to ignore it. However, just before I hit the back button, something caught my eye. According to the site, 1 in 100000000000000000000 people get what is called Invourisionipia (short for ‘rock disease’). Hmmm… That certainly couldn’t have been my problem!
At least that is what I thought.
Okay, so by now I think that I have made my initial reactions fairly clear. To sum things up so far… I was panicking and overreacting in a frenzy! Well, I thought that I was overreacting until the next symptom appeared: A complete loss of senses. That’s right. I couldn’t hear, see, feel, smell, echolocate, or detect anything! It was at this moment that I knew I had Invourisionpia (I just realized that I could have copied the word from above and pasted it here rather than typing it all over again. Whoops!) My nightmare had officially begun. I was now a rock!
Just as the final transformations came to an end, I mysteriously gained some of my senses back. But these were not any ordinary senses. These were rock senses.
As I sat on the floor in the middle of my living room (at least I think I was there) I suddenly noticed that my ‘sense of location’ reemerged from within. Even more, I still possessed the ability to think! Apparently rocks have feelings too. (Well, rocks can’t cry or anything, but you get the point… or maybe you have no idea what I am talking about right now!)
Anyways, after some amount of time went by, I developed something called ‘rock-vision’. This unique rock sense, only inherent within certain phylums of rocks, was truly remarkable. I could actually see other rocks around me! Even more, I could actually see the entire world in a grey-ish 2D vision, almost like what you would see in a 1930s movie. However, I was still in a deep shock. I had rock disease at its finest.
For the next 24 hours I sat in the middle of my living room, lonely and without anyone to talk to, afraid of a possible human/animal attack from the outer-reaches of the furniture surrounding me. The only positive that came to mind was the fact that I did not redevelop the sense of smell for about 14 hours into my ‘rock trance’. And let me tell you, that was a big positive, because the ground sure didn’t smell too good!
I should also mention that about 21 hours into my case of Invourisionpia a family member, who I could not recognize, approached me without warning. Bracing for impact, I quickly grabbed my neck and… oh wait, I couldn’t do anything. Rather, I simply sat on the floor motionless as a monstrous stinky foot crashed onto me from above. Even worse, this ‘person’ had a bad case of athletes foot! It must have been my brother! Luckily, I did not redevelop the sense of ‘feel’ until about 23 hours into Invourisionpia, so I did not feel any pain. However, that foot sure smelled bad! Whew!
Once 24 hours passed by I somehow changed back into a human (although I have no idea how!) and sat back on the couch were my computer awaited me. As I sat there in shock, I began to feel a slight pain in my right ear. After a couple minutes of panic, I quickly searched for possible illnesses that could cause such a pain. I found the following: An ear infection… no. Strep throat… nah. Prenioeducai (short for ‘piano disease’)… hmm.
Until next time, have a fantastic day! And remember, as real as the story above may have sounded, it was 100% NOT real. If you get a stomach ache than DO NOT diagnose yourself with Invourisionpia!
-Nathan (In human form)
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